Dale Carnegie’s “How to Win Friends and Influence People,”
contained numerous valuable lessons. Before reading this book, I was quite
aware of my shortcomings, which included not remembering people’s names,
readiness and willingness to engage in arguments, and not really taking a
genuine interest with everyone I come into contact with. I would say to myself,
“Faranda, you can’t be perfect,” and many other rationalizations to justify my
shortcomings. Reading this book, despite the fact that it was written 80 years
ago, has made me realize these are are my areas for improvement if I want to be
a successful leader. In my current profession, I am constantly interacting with
a wide range of people, and while I may never forget a face, I am awful at
remembering names. Prior to reading this book, I had no problem saying to
people “ I am so sorry, what is your name? Blame it on my head and not my
heart.” As Dr. Gower has said many times in class “there is no sweeter sound to
a person’s ears than their own name.”
After reading this book I am making a more concerted effort to
really remember people’s name by associating their names with places and/or
things just depending upon the location of the interaction, as well repeating
the person’s name to myself at least 15 times after the personal interaction
has occurred, to help me better associate names with faces. Personally and
professionally, I have not been afraid to engage in an argument and viewed
avoiding one as being weak. Carnegie gave me perspective and understanding that
even when I am right, I am wrong because I have potentially hurt that person’s
feelings, made them feel inferior, and caused them to resent me. My temper has
never yielded me any positive results, so I was aware that I was not gaining
anything, but I also did not recognize how I was making the other person feel.
After reading Carnegie, I am better prepared to prevent
disagreements from escalating into a full blown argument, focusing on areas of
agreement, actively listening to the other person, and taking time to process
and understand what the other person is trying to convey. This will take a
great deal of effort on my part, but it is imperative that I learn to welcome
and embrace disagreements, without getting defensive. This will enable me to
not only learn more, but also to take into account ideas and points that I may
not have considered prior to the disagreement. I am known to be a very direct
person and I do not have the gift of gab. Typically, when I am interacting with
someone who is not a friend or colleague, after the normal formalities I
generally get straight to the point of why I am talking to them. Prior reading
this book I did not take a genuine interest in most people unless I was
genuinely interested in them. This book made the light-bulb go off in my head,
because I am loyal to a fault, but have always struggled with connecting with
people. it is not something that comes with ease for me. However, when I do
make a connection it is strong and tends to last.
I had to admit I am the reason making connections is not
easy, not other people. It has not been long since I read the book, but I can
honestly say, I am trying to make more of an effort to take an interest in
every person I come into contact with and am seeing positive outcomes from
this, in a short period of time. Reflecting on Carnegie made me realize I do
not have to really let people in, in order to show a genuine interest in them,
I just need to be more engaging with them. This book was an extremely easy read
and the advice contained is timeless. I look forward to seeing how approaching
situations and employing these methods will make me a better leader.
